Holly Jane, a 42-year-old mother of three and adult content creator, is opening up about what it’s like to lead a double life in the Mormon faith and why she’s now trying to quietly find her way back into the church that once cast her out.
After losing her husband Stephen and needing to support her family, Holly turned to adult modeling, eventually amassing 1.6 million followers on Instagram.
But when her side career came to light, her local Mormon church revoked her membership, barring her from temple access and religious sacraments.
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Now living in a new neighborhood in Texas, far from her Oregon roots, Holly keeps her work a secret from everyone including her parents, who still believe she’s a nurse recruiter.
She’s blocked family from her social media and hasn’t told them she was banned from the church, fearing the fallout.
“I live between two worlds,” she said. “People think religion and sexuality can’t coexist, but I want to challenge that. I still follow many Mormon values I don’t drink, smoke, swear, or even drink soda. I just happen to post risqué content online.”
She likens herself to a modern-day Mary Magdalene misunderstood and shunned for embracing her sexuality. “She was cast out, just like me. But I believe God forgives. It’s the church that hasn’t.”
Inspired by the return of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, a reality series exploring hidden lives within the religion, Holly is determined to reintegrate into the church community — even if it means slipping in unnoticed.
“I plan to reintroduce myself slowly, and eventually be honest with my new bishop. I want to prove I’m a good person who’s worthy of faith. This show felt like a message from above telling me it’s time to return.”
While she admits the path back is complicated, Holly has already made peace with her situation and hopes to support other women in similar positions. She even plans to reach out to the women on the Hulu series to offer advice.
“There’s this belief that if you don’t fit the mold, you don’t belong but I think Mormonism needs to evolve. I want to redefine what holiness looks like. You shouldn’t be chased out of your faith for being authentic.”
Despite feeling targeted by the community that once shaped her life, Holly remains firm in her belief that her faith and career don’t have to be mutually exclusive.
We all sin mine just happens to be visible. That doesn’t make me less worthy of forgiveness, or love, or belonging.”
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